I love cricket. Possibly more than is entirely healthy. But probably 80% of what there is to know about the game, I don’t.
Here are some things I know.
Chris Martin is 36 years old. Chris Martin is a punchline. Chris Martin cannot bat. Chris Martin is not Shane Bond.
Chris Martin has 187 test wickets, at an average of 34.44 and an economy rate of 3.42.
Chris Martin has a sense of humour. Chris Martin got Jesse Ryder to his maiden Test Century. Chris Martin leaps like a lanky-shaven-headed-yet-still-graceful gazelle at the end of his run-up. Chris Martin has knocked over 5 top-order Indian batsmen for 25 runs. On November 7 2010 Chris Martin scored three times as many runs as Virender Sehwag before sending Sachin Tendulkar back to the pavilion with a flick of his wrists. Chris Martin has really pretty eyes.
When Chris Martin takes a wicket, he roars his awesome badassery to the skies, and the very ground trembles beneath him.
Chris Martin is a thing of beauty and a joy forever.
They call Chris Martin The Phantom, even though he doesn’t wear a purple bodysuit and stripy Y-fronts. (That I know of. But even if he does, he probably rocks that look. Rocks it hard.)
Chris Martin is cooler than you.
No, I don’t know who you are. But I know Chris Martin’s cooler than you.