I really, really did not want to write about Kamran Akmal’s legs today.
But they will not be ignored.
First they propelled him, like an unholy lovechild of Brendon McCullum and Adam Gilchrist only Pakistani and with a slightly frightening monobrow, full-length to his left to take a staggering catch in front of leg slip off an outside edge from Shaun Marsh. Those of us who remembered his fumbling and flailing from the Test series rubbed our eyes and did a double take in the manner of surprised people in those old Looney Tunes cartoons. Had Kamran Akmal really just done that?
Then Rana Naved bowled Brad Haddin through the gate in a glorious rush of raw pace and rawer testosterone, and the headiness of it all dulled the impact of The Catch somewhat. When Fawad Alam pegged back Michael Clarke’s stumps with a direct hit to run him out, we were further distracted by wondering where the hell all this fielding ability had been hiding for the past three months.
But Kamran Akmal’s legs were determined to snatch back the spotlight, which they did by not only taking a catch entirely by themselves, but by doing so in a manner that could have been specifically designed to offer maximum fodder for comedy writers with filthy minds. Of course, Akmal helped by fumbling around in his groin for an eternity, uttering a series of increasingly more urgent-sounding falsetto shrieks, and by that point the jokes were so obvious they hardly seemed worth making any more. (It’s not as much fun when there’s so little challenge involved.)
At the moment, Pakistan are chasing 277, having lost two wickets for just over 30 runs. Kamran is at the crease alongside Mohammad Yousuf. Will his legs be up to one last effort for the Pakistani cause? Who knows.
Oh for fuck’s sake, they’re going on about Survivor again. Am I missing something? Why is this happening?