Excerpt from commentary on the Pakistan-Australia match:
“Shane Watson continues to spread his magic all over Australian cricket!”
Really? Was that what he was doing at the WACA? Is that what we’re calling it these days? Because, dude, seriously: Chris Gayle is a fine specimen of a man, and getting a bit overexcited is only natural, but you should really be doing that in private with a DVD after the fact, not right then and there all over the pitch at the home of Western Australian cricket, regardless of how magical Ian Healy thinks it is. (Awful, scarring thought: how would he know? BLECH. Must. erase. from. memory.) Apart from anything else, I could have happily gone my entire life without knowing what your O-face looks like, and I know I’m not the only one.
The commentators are now talking about Survivor, for reasons known only to them. I feel I may have wandered into the Twilight Zone. (It would certainly explain Asoka de Silva’s LBW decision, because in no sane universe would an international umpire honestly think that had pitched inside leg, or would have kept low enough to hit the stumps.) Yeah, that must be it. I expect the Blue Meanies and dancing pink elephants will be along any minute now. Caffeine sure is a hell of a drug.